just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
