well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
