so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
