All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
