my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
