he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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