Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
