can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
