If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
