you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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