when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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