no, he came in my armpit
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
