why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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