ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
