I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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