We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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