I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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