guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
And then he peed in my hair
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