just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
