I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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