i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
