I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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