I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
