Acid is not a monday night drug
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
