I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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