Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
