He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
