I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
