Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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