fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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