We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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