obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
