It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
