He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
