YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
