Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
