my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
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then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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