Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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