I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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