yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
