areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
