Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
