Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
