This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize