She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is Oprah even human
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
