How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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