the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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