i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
