Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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