I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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