I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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