Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
