Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
