Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
