Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
