Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
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Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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