She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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