Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
