Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How does it feel to date your dad?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
