He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
