Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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