Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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