one might say we're banned from that church
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
