so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
