god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
