i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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