Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
