Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
A bitchslap is in order.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
