Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
