So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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